Lena Arakelyan
My first days in Romania
The new group of volounteers for GAIA second stage, from May to November 2016
When I landed Bucharest, I could understand nothing and didn’t feel anything.
I don’t understand totally everything even now. The only thing that I remember is that I hurried not to be late from train. For me Romania has begun from Craiova.
I am Lena Arakelyan from ARMENIA. I am 25. I am an economist-manager.I have master-degree.I have active social life.I participated in many local and international programs.
My sending organization is Gyumri “Youth Initiative Centre” NGO (YIC).
It’s my second EVS project after doing a short-tem one in France. Here everything is different and interesting. For the beginning there will be many difficulties, of course. Other country, different culture, various people and the most important one, other perspectives…But our hosting organization “Expolorator” welcomed us in a very warm way and did its best for us to feel at home. We got acquainted with the staff of the organization, then we had a meeting with Georgana. She represented us our job, gave us opportunity to know each other better, to work in a group and respect each other. I am really impressed.
I will work with children and teenagers with special needs. I don’t have an experience of doing such kind of work with disabled people. But it is not important. We are here to experience the new, to volunteer and to become experienced. I want to do something really good in this big world and this is exactly my chance!
Now I know another nice and kind girl, Luiza. She introduced my working place, the role of my work and that it is very important to show individual attitude towards every child.
I have been here only for 6 days. But there are so many things to express and to think about. For me everything is interesting here and I am sure that these 6 months will change my life a lot. I am here only 6 days, but many things have already changed. Every day changes me and I am sure, for better.
I am not the same
There are many important questions inside of me that are still left without answers. But, to be honest, at this moment I don’t want to think about it. Now I am calm.
Life is too short. We need to be in mobility and gather as many memories as possible. As a result you will have lots of things to remember and retell. My thoughts are in real mess and I can’t concentrate on something. But now I want to share my one-week impressions and feelings. I will try to describe my feelings but surely I will not manage to give an exact description because all my feelings are inside of me. Maybe it will seem that I am an egoist, but It is the way how I am. I am not a very open person. And, anyway, feelings are individual.
It was a very unique week in my life like all the other weeks. I don’t know from where to start. Different peoople’s faces are coming and leaving. I try to start from the very beginning but every time I understand that there are not beginnings and endings. It was a week full of new people, new faces. They all greet, smile, present themselves. What concerns participants’ names, It is surely impossible to remember everyone’s name at once. Only after repeating 25 times we remember all of them by heart. Adam amazing, Ashot apple, Beatriche body, Gayane great, Giacomo giraf, Margarita manic, Lena laughing etc.
I like to be honest. My first impressions were not so good. I was talking to girls with disappointment.
“Oh,girls, volunteers are few and it is kind of boring. And the hotel is without a swimming pool. It is so bad and so on”. Then with some of girls we went out to have a walk. It was really nice. I really liked the streets being very old and mysterious.
Then the next day I remember Margarita’s words: “We are in a perfect hotel in a beautiful city even if there is not a swimming pool.
The time flied and I decided to enjoy every second. And for enjoying something you need to change yourself. You can look at everything from both good and bad angles. And I decided to look from a good angle. And as a result there were lots of moments that I really enjoyed both in a group and in loneliness as well. The loneliness was also an enjoyment. The music, calmness and freedom. Everything has its own value in this life. And the freedom is precious for me.
And we started to recognize each other in a better way and I slowly changed my mind. Everything changed: classes, breaks, tasty food, music and dance under moon. Yeah, it is really impossible to describe the real feelings with words. Every day changed something in me. All days were various and not similar each other. The seminar was very useful. Some topics were known and the others unknown. Many discussions, smile and smile. Automatically Nordin came to my mind with face and hair. There were also some nervous moments. “Please, do not disturb. The girls will get it. Understand me? ( Deniz).
The volunteers were very nice . And I just remembered our rock concert. It was a very emotional concert after which I got his signature on my hand because at that moment I didn’t have a piece of paper with me. So he did it on my hand. After it we did a selfie with him.All moments pass like one second in front of my eyes. We enjoyed a movie under open sky. Then we walked in the city. If I write every detail, I will not finish my list. All moments pass in front of my eyes like in the movies. And we ended up with an exercise about the fact what will we take if we go for a one-week training. What are we taking with us? We were calm and sad. The seminar was over, but it was very sad. All good memories last a very short time. I am leaving home happy and calm. I am on the train. Again the same way, same beautiful nature. Everything is the same …Only one thing has changed, I am not the same..
Changes...
Shall I try? Shall I do it or not? Doubts…A very disturbing factor…And what happens if I do it and the result is not a good one? Ok, it is better not to try and keep continuing the usual life. But who can guarantee that in case of not doing something new, you will be safe? Yeah, it is surely like that. Many people miss lots of opportunities only because they are afraid of taking risks. Changes…
Changing something or doing something new is always difficult. And people keep continuing their regular lives. But which is right? To continue the same routine or…
For instance, what was the reason of the change which I had made and due to which I am in a foreign country now. Surely, the change. And if I didn’t make that step, I probably wouldn’t the same as I am at this moment: changed.
Six years after institute graduation…A stabile job, a developed and respected individual in the community.
It seemed that everything was all right. But what forced me to leave all and come here? And maybe, I am now in a more difficult situation: in a foreign country with unknown people, a foreign language, various cultures, different working environments…
An adaptation period…A very difficult one.... Sometimes there were some problems because of a foreign language. Sometimes it is not possible to express all what you really feel. And, anyway, you are not the same stable and persistent person in the new environment as you were in your motherland. And here the same process starts. The period of adaptation, period of understanding and admitting the new and also the period when people start the recognize me.
Lena, what forced you? Anyway, in the end you will return home, the same environment…yeah, the same place but not as the same person. You have nothing. And again you need to start from the very beginning. Suspense…And again the same question arises… What forced me to do that step? And now I have a very certain answer… the need of a change and the desire to risk. And the same question…Shall I do it or not? And what if more interesting things happen?
To make a change you need to be strong. You shouldn’t be afraid of infinity. I did it. And now I live in a foreign country, in an unknown world. A world where everyday something new is discovered by me. A world where my own feelings are not always understood. And maybe I will be the stranger till the end. But what I know for I love this world. I love this unknown planet. And, one more thing. If I were not strong enough and didn’t risk, I wouldn’t appear in this world.
Take a risk. Don’t be afraid of losing your job, your routine. Don’t be fixed in the same environment. Time flies. And one day when you sit in your office doing your job, you will regret that you have missed your best years. And you will think: “Why?”. And the answer probably will be. “Only because of artificial statuses”.
I hope it is not goodbye it is <<LA REVEDERE.....
It is said that for having something you need to lose or consent something else.
Before coming to Romania I was thinking of losing my job, my friends. But when you are away for a period of time, something is automatically changing even you don’t want that change.
Yes, I knew nothing, but I wanted to try something new. I can say for sure. In my case it was always like that. I had to give up from some things, from people, from some values. But the same question comes to my mind every time. Why am I spending so much time, so much efforts to build something, some relations, values, gather beautiful memories, overcome many difficulties, and in the end I have to lose all that and pass to the next stage.
4 months… 24 hours per day with all its minutes and seconds. In case you count, you will see how long time it is.
In Romania I met new friends, slowly built new relations. A very cosy environment was created. An environment full of various opinions, with lots of people from different countries, from various cultures with totally different way of thinking. And with all this stuff you need to train yourself in that new environment, understand, consent and the most important thing – you need to live under one and the same roof.
It is not easy…And after this you notice that there is friendship, exchange of ideas and you start to have lunch together, wait for the others, share bread, smile together, feel the change of mood and approach ask the reason. It is already a result of a great amount of efforts. Already warm, dear faces whom you wait, whose absence you feel. And you stop comparing and understand that sometimes you don’t want changes and you don’t need other people in your life.
Now it is again the time to say goodbye. It is again the moment of “losing” important people (Maybe the word “to lose” was not the best one to use there, because all those memories are not possible to lose, they are stuck in our memories). I don’t want to mention name by name. I prefer to be silent. I have much to say, but at the same time I want to keep silence. The only thing that I know for sure is that my turn will also come and I will also leave…I am not sad that the project will finish. I am happy that I lived those moments and I have those memories.
My crazy girl, my Sardinian smiling and dear friends - my family. You are also parts of my chain. You have come and now you go. And in spite of the direction, I wish you all the best and lots of success.
I will not write your names separately, but each of you has her/his own unique place in my life.
My dear boys, always smile. You have no rights not to smile.
You present “Smile” project. Please, take the title of your project and make it the symbol of your lives.
My crazy girl, in spite of the methods, the ways, even you are by train or by a tractor or by foot, always go forward. Always stay incomprehensible and strange for the you don’t understand you. But at the same time always stay interesting for those you understand you.
My dear family from Craiova. My next destination was Brasov then I will have a lot of different destinations.. I will meet new people, will have new opportunities, new environment, the new and the new…
But you will always stay in my heart and will always keep your own special places in my lives.
Happy to have you...
When you gave me a farm hug and run towards E1, I remained alone standing in the street.
One minute and the bus moved. And I noticed that tears flowed from my eyes. Then I felt emptiness and strange feeling. I have never travelled in and out of Romania without you during these 6 months.
I have never stood in the train station alone, without you. Maybe also on the first day, when we couldn’t fly together 6 month ago though we tried a lot. I wanted to hug you again, because I have never had such kind of feeling.
I have never felt your absence.
I will not try to go into details. 6 months…a whole life. We lived a crazy life and we always were together.
Yes, together. We were always together but at the same time we always have kept our individuality.
A whole life, almost every second together…Sad, happy, disappointed, upset…
Sometimes I have felt embarrassed from your absence. Maybe it will sound a little bit strange but you know me and from the first day you felt that I am very open and I don’t like to cheat.
Sometimes I was tired of your questions. I needed my own space and loneliness. And in spite of this, I have always realized that you keep silent, understand me and you want to help me. Sometimes I answered you a little bit in a rude way, but I was always sure that she is Gayush, my Gayush, she will understand.
Gayush, Gay, my bright Gayush…
You are really strong, that you managed to live with my difficult character.
When a very important person is always with you, you don’t take the importance of her presence a lot.
You don’t imagine her absence.
I have always said, Gay… I always wanted to speak to my sister Gayane, as my sister’s name is also Gayane who has an enormous importance for me.
But I want to thank you a lot that although you are not my blood-sister but you have behaved my like a real sister.
THANK YOU A LOT.
I already miss....
There was time that it seemed to be a dream. I thought whether it would be possible that I collect my luggage and go very far from my country, to another country. Would it be possible that I live independently and alone, manage my time and budget, make decisions by myself.
Many things come true during the time and you understand that actually It was not so important or it was not what you expected or maybe it is an approved right of life...It already came true and the meaning of it changes, like losing its sense.
I picked my luggae.
I took a plane.
I lived and still live in a foreign country independently.
The sense of something depends on a person’s comment.
FREEDOM OR LONELINES...
When you make decisions by yourself, when you overcome your difficulties, when you stand alone on the street at night, is it loneliness or freedom?
I prefered to call and feel it as freedom. I enjoyed my beautiful loneliness, loneliness dreamed by many people.
There were many cases when you need your family but at the same time you smile and say: “Everything is fine”.
Anyway, it was YOUR decision that you made and you must be satisfied it.
I will remember every second with smile and pride.
I will miss. I will miss my own and private space. I know I will miss my loneliness, my beautiful night walks especially when many people will try to be on my side and give many questions.
I will miss the streets already dear to me. Will miss my preferable places, people’s honest smiles.
How nice it sounds...Freedom...Surely, it has advantages and disadvantages. But I will not talk about negative, for me the positive is dominant. I have not found something equal for freedom, because freedom is still very very important for me.
When I enjoy the morning coffe, the music and the sun...
I write very different things. I try to concentrate and don’t stress and move forward without worrying. One of the most important lessons my life is this one.
I collect my luggage...
I will again take plane...
And will again go far...
I will go back, the same place where my dream has been shaped.
Will return the same place to achieve new goals.
WILL MISS...
I ALREADY MISS...
Craiova....
