THANK YOU FOR YOUR TIME
Time has its rythm and its cycles. It goes expanding and contracting, like a breath, getting closer and farther, like waves on a sea shore. There is giving and receiving, agressiveness and acceptance, masculine and feminine. It’s a swing. Each time is almost the same, it's eternal return, and every time it’s completely different, this is why I think everything follows a spyral shape. Not a circle or an infinite loop, but a neverending perfect spyral.
The first time I saw the spyral I was in my teenage years, when I used weeds and alcohol as mental painkillers. Later I found my number one mentor who got me out of that, and I was super sure that I could never accept this behaviour towards my self, never again. But many years later, in 2015, I used weeds and alcohol as mental painkillers. I was just running on a very similar curve of the spyral.
Who knew me as a child knows that my love for spyrals has no age. They are a more exact version of mandala, and it’s connected to the wisest of the creature: the snail, the peaceful backpacker you’re hosting in your garden.
The current cycle of the spyral has a lot of love in it, love is the best, is the medicine and weapon, I don’t care if I sound cheesy as long as there is love. In this 2016 I crashed right into a source of love in central Europe, where I started my recovery and I met some very old fellows from previous lives. But from there I had the chance to escape, and so I did. Then love came from Armenia and met me in Romania, and this time it was not possible to escape. At the beginning it was not easy for the girls, love demostrations can really annoy me, but finally they got me. I still don’t understand very well what they did, but I know that I’m more happy when I think they are walking on the same ground somewhere and looking the same sky. I feel so much better now, knowing that my heart is spread on the planet and it’s spreading more and more. I can think more clearly and just be, without all that focus on the ego.
I’m still escaping all the time from love because the old idea of it is still very strong in me. How society teaches love is a complete shit: it’s sacrifice and pain, and a lot of appearance. But I’m confident that finally we will all surrender and keep our stupid souls from going rotten.
I’m sorry I didn’t greet everyone but I didn’t want to feel like leaving.
And for the ones who don’t like me: I wish you all the best.
- Sunday, 4th of September 2016 -
​
​
​
OH DEER, do you think you're flexible?
- Friday, 29th of July 2016 -
​
​
​
Would you like to be more flexible, or maybe you think you are very flexible already?
Try to recall one of those moment when, while writing a resume or an application, you have to mention the highlights of your multifaceted personality. You are mentally scrolling down all your features, desperately looking for something nice to write. Maybe you could say.. quite open minded, and yes, also very flexible, why not - for example that time that you were able to stand a neverending train/bus trip with Mr. Stinky Feet sitting beside you. And, oh yes, dont’ forget to write how much you like the team work. That is something you surely have, because nothing matters if you are lonely and cannot SHARE. And everyone likes this attitude.
​
I believe that the average volunteer, recalling the moment when he/she applied to an EVS, though that this was “his stuff”, because he is so adaptable and flexible, he is able to respect very different ideas/behaviours/cultures/ blablabla. But then something interesting starts to reveal itself: a specific personality.
At least, it’s been like this for me. My character's features are popping out from a hidden somewhere, and the recognizing process is so fast that are immediately classified as obvious. Of course: they were always there, they didn’t care if I was aware or not.
​
I'm finding out that I am less and less flexible, and the people here is finding it out with me, unfortunately. They probably think that I’ve always known that, but no, before the EVS I didn’t know. When I wrote my motivational letter I really meant it. Sorry people.
​
There are some things which made me think that I’m flexible. I’ll just mention one: I can literally sleep wherever. But this does not make me a flexible person, it just means that I cannot postpone my sleep. So, at the end it means that I am NOT a flexible person. Funny.
I remember an old friend of mine who was sincerely sure he was adaptable, because of course, he is in the army, he can bear so much, he’s trained. But he was so NOT adaptable, it was amusing to see this belief standing firmly on the nothing.
​
Maybe also you could find interesting to examinate yourself, and if you spot one of those belief, you’ll have just as much fun as if you’re meeting a complete stranger.
​
Now I am picturing certain people objecting as such “but you SHOULD be more flexible” - I don’t fully agree: flexibility is not something you must achieve no matter what. It’s very important to accept that you have very specific needs that no one else has. No more stress needed.
​
Inner (beast) human
- Friday, 15th of July 2016 -
I never experienced war firsthand.
In a planet like ours, with the history we have, not have experienced any war sounds puzzeling to me. I’m a supporter of the expression of instincts, and the istinct to “war” is a fundamental human ingredient, so maybe if this lack of experience could make me somehow an incomplete human being.
During this EVS I’ve felt several times the crash against beliefs I don’t agree with; I’ve also been feeling revulsion towards the people around me, just because my perception of life/death is different. I’m not speaking only about locals - romanians and gypsies- but also about some fellows volunteers, some of which have experience of actual war. In Romania the aura of violence is still perceivable, and real violence is very well present in the gypsy social structure, which does not rely on the justice methods we are used to. Murdering, around here, appears to be pretty acceptable compared to my standards.
Maybe because of the natural drive to fit into society, I see my perception of war/violence mutating little by little. Simoultneusly, a new version of me is shaping: the potential killer. As a human being, the distance between myself and my possible participation to “war” is none at all. By ditching my comfortable nest, I had to watch a natural belligereance appering inside me and growing: no one will ever side with me and speak up for my needs, I’ll do that. I’m still a trainee in that, and I tend to take the easy way of a passive agressive behaviour, but hopefully this will change.
​
Let me clarify that I’m not planning to become a killer, but I’m seeing this fighting spirit of mine which got me facing the fact that, as a complete human being, I have the same unrational dark side that in extreme cases makes grown men, leaders of developed countries, deciding to throw bombs on people.
In the conflict, both parts are strongly convinced that they are more right. Even if they realize this, the conflict seems unavoidable and it hangs electric in the air. The only alternative seems to be a splitting.
I hope this article explains to whom it concerns that I don’t feel comfortable in a fight, but we have different ideas and I don’t see how we could shift position. Unluckily, incompatibility exists. Let’s move on, I don’t want to start a drama around this, I want to live peacefully and enjoy my time: this is the only instict I really want to grow and follow.
​
Live long and Wabi-Sabi
Since one week or so, I’m wearing “candy pink” hair. I’ve always known that the world is just a better place if I feel comfortable dying my hair, ‘cause to me that’s a symbol of autenticity, even if it sounds senseless.
- Monday, 13th of June 2016 -
I came here following my gut, as I wrote already.
Now I know that nothing is more important than that. As soon as I started following the instict, all the information I’ve been desperatly looking for are gathering from all around, chasing me instead of missing. Also today I noticed something and I’d like to share it. Every now and then, I like to write down all my wishes, and it always was a huge list of things: travelling here and there, learning this and that, trying that and that, etc etc. I checked it today, and I realized I don’t need all of that anymore. The list magically halved. What happened?
When you move abroad, even if it’s just for a short time, you end up being yourself more than ever, because you’re too busy facing this very new situation and you just cannot keep faking.
Me, I’ve always felt very different, but I’ve been trying to fix my weirdness and to be a very standard human being, checking all the time how people around was doing.
After just a few days here, I started feeling so absorbed by my “weirdness” that, lost in my entusiasm, I even thought I was autistic. I saw this amazing ted talk, which kind of turned me on about this idea. This girl’s brain seems to work just perfectly. I also realized that as a teenager I had a lot of autistic behaviour within my group of friends, who were really not friends, because we did not understand each other. But sometimes I was sick of being alone and I didn’t have many options. Back then, someone used to call me “cavallo pazzo”, crazy horse, which is actually a cool nickname and I was secretly proud of it, even though they didn’t mean to please me..
But anyway, I’m opening up with you, whatever your face and past experiences are, because my latest achievements are a big deal to me, as well as my past struggling, and I’d like to spread a message. Maybe no one will care, but I'd like to throw it anyway. If you are any similar to me, you might think you have to “fix” yourself. FIX. Are you serious? Instead, you might wanna be brave and show your unique features, because you’ll enjoy that a whole lot more.
Another thing, in case you don’t feel anything like me: consider that people is different from you, try not to force your partner or your kids to be like you would like them to be or to “be normal”, that’s a terrible punishment, help them instead, otherwise you’ll be just an unpleasant presence and the time you spend together will suck.
​
We were all born to feel free, that should be a sacred human right or even a duty. Try to control other’s lives and choices is the most disgusting form of violence, very sneaky and superhard to handle.
​
​
Wabi-Sabi to you all!
And don't forget to check my article about charming untraslatable words here
In Craiova
The new group of volounteers: me, Giacomo, Lena and Gayane, together with our mentor, Madalina, who leaded us through the city and in the beautiful Botanic Garden.
- Friday, 13th of May 2016 -
I’m Margherita, volounteering for the second section of GAIA project, from May to November 2016. I got here in Craiova one week ago.
I was attracted by the announcement of this EVS for no specific reason, I honestly never thought about living in Romania, everything just happened very fast. I first applied impulsively and then, facing the fact that I was chosen, I found this EVS very appropriate for my situation. But still, I didn’t just through myself blindly into this project: I wanted to join something like this, a useful project abroad, for a very long time.
The impact with Romania was super good: I landed in the capital in the morning, then took the train from Bucarest to Craiova, which passed through a nice, rough countryside, with some shepard here and there, very simple.
Craiova is a very comfortable town. Full of green areas, has both ruined concrete blocks and stunning old style buildings. The centre is nice and small, and there is everything one may need.
I already had the chance to meet many other volounteers and we already get along, but I also appreciate a lot that locals need a little more time to warm up, because it feels real.
Everything is promising, I just hope I will be a good volonteer for the organizations with whom we work, which handle children and yougsters with special needs: something completely new for me. This first week we have been introduced to the tasks and to the work environments and we all think it will be very challenging. I’m thrilled and very looking forward to see how this EVS will turn out to be like.